What I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self Before Joining the Military

Dear Younger Eve, youre about to walk into that Army recruiting station, heart set on serving your country. At 34, with a sick husband and a young son, the military feels like your chance to provide and chase something meaningful. Youve always wanted to protect others, first as a cop, then dreaming of the FBI. Now, the Army seems like your path. I see your grit and your drive to show what youre made of. Before you sign up, though, there are hard truths I learned that I need you to hear, things I later poured into my book, Secrets of the Uniform, hoping others might learn from my story.

The Army wont be what you expect. Youre imagining discipline, teamwork, and pride, like the war tales you grew up on. Basic training will give you that rush. Youll push through tough drills, tackle obstacle courses, and stand tall at graduation in your crisp Class A uniform. But your reserve unit will feel different. Soldiers slouch, boots undone, some reeking of last nights bar. The values you trained for seem forgotten. Youll feel like you dont belong, and thats okay; it means youre holding onto whats right.

As a woman, youll stand out, and not in a good way. Men will toss crude comments, their stares too bold. A sergeant might say, Your job is to keep us happy, acting like his rank owns you. Itll make you sick, but youll stand firm, refusing to let their words sink in. Some women in the unit might laugh it off or stay quiet, but your silence is your own, a way to guard your dignity. Youre not alone, even if it feels like it. Your strength is your defense.

It gets uglier, and I wont soften it. An officer, Sergeant Jackson, will assault you in a supply room. Hell tear your uniform, leave you bruised, and try to crush your spirit. Youll fight him off, escaping with scratches, but the pain will linger. Reporting it will feel like betraying the Army you swore to serve, and the system will turn on you. The JAG officer will dismiss you with a vile remark, suggesting you shouldve complied. The chain of command will feel like a locked door. But Sergeant D will stand by you, risking his career to help you demand the truth. His support will be a lifeline, proof that good people exist in a broken system.

The military often shields the wrong people. Rules like the Feres Doctrine block accountability, making justice feel impossible. Youll write senators, plead with congressmen, and face rejection. One senator, Al Gore, will listen, sparking an Inspector General investigation that confirms your claims. But the Army will still force you out, discharging you without the honor you deserve. Youll feel like youve lost everything, your career, your safety, your voice. You havent. Youre stronger than you know.

After you leave, threats will haunt you. Late-night calls, men lurking near your house, even your dog shot dead. Fear will cling to you, turning every shadow into a threat. PTSD will hit hard, bringing panic attacks that strike out of nowhere. Uniforms will spook you, sleep will feel risky, and trust will seem out of reach. But youll find ways to cope. Therapy will help you face triggers. Dr. Callahan will let you rage without judgment. Your service dog, Summer, will steady you when the world spins. Healing is a daily fight, but youll keep swinging.

Youll rebuild, Eve. Youll become a therapist, helping veterans pick up their pieces. Youll work with kids at DCFS, seeing pains many faces, and care for seniors, finding grace in lifes final moments. Youll marry Dan, build a steady home, and raise David with love despite the years you lost. Writing Secrets of the Uniform will be part of your fight, a way to share your truth and warn others. Each step shows youre tougher than what tried to break you.

If I could sit with you now, Id tell you this: you dont need a uniform to prove your worth. Youre already enough, brave, fierce, unstoppable. The Army doesnt define you; your choices do. When the system fails you, dont let it silence you. Speak out and push forward, even when it hurts. Youll lose some battles, but youll win what matters, not by changing the past but by shaping a future where others dont suffer like you did.

This road will test you, body and soul. Itll scar you, but itll also forge you into someone fiercer than you can imagine. Trust yourself. Lean on God when youre too worn to stand. Every mark you carry is proof you survived, a sign of the woman youll become.